Life.

Things have been a bit hectic lately. Jason's grandpa is out of the hospital and resting at home. They decided to call hospice so at least he could be comfortable during his last days. He is sick, but not with cancer. Essentially enduring sacs all over his lungs, Grandpa has chosen to stop medical treatment, which will eventually grow and cause forced breathing. He isn't eating, just sleeping.

This all too familiar terrain reminds me terribly of my dad and brings back memories of when I learned to hate cancer, some of which I have never spoken of. Not even to my own husband. His anniversary is coming up, at the end of February. His death has left a hole in my heart - not a day has gone by in 5 years that I haven't thought of him. I am reminded of him everywhere I go. Marley points to his picture every time she comes in the living room. They have never met, snuggled, played, kissed, or known what life is like with the other present. I often find myself feeling his presence and wondering if she does too. Sometimes she smiles over my shoulder when I feel him near. It's oddly comforting.

Grandpa Glover is my grandpa through marriage. He has never forgotten my birthday and I haev always received a Christmas gift from him. I have never expected these things - I even cried when he sent a card a few days after my birthday and called me all frazzled to make sure I got it. It's the simple things in life that really matter to this family. It took me a while to realize that - each time I brought cookies or muffins or sent a card - I never fully understood how it impacted them. I thought I was just being nice, just trying to make someone's day. And it did just that...

Watching Jason and his family say their goodbye's while Grandpa was lucid was hard. My chest felt tight and I choked back tears, trying to be a pillar of strength. I was insanely proud of my husband, who whispered words of love into his ear - words that I feel are sacred to their relationship. When it was my turn, I told Grandpa I loved him and to say hi to my dad for me. I never got the chance to say goodbye to my father and I am glad Jason doesn't have to look back and feel something was left unsaid.

When Grandpa passes, I know the impact his loss will have on us all. I also know the impact it will have on Grandpa. He will finally be reunited with his wife, who passed a few years ago, and what a reunion it will be. I can only imagine. Until then, we are keeping him in our thoughts and prayers - and trying to respect his wishes, for as my father told me, "I have lived my life, seen my kids grow, traveled the world. I've lived a good life."