Twins

Some people say we look alike, but I don't see the resemblance?

ADD Free Write

I'm reading the Sharpie package..."permanent on most surfaces"....what does most entail? Wood, definitely. Paper, yes for sure. Foreheads, that's a big HELL YEAH. What surface would not hold a Sharpie mark? What surface would dare outright reject such a branding? What kind of person thinks about this?

Me, that's who. I just finished one of my classes and the boomrang insomnia is kicking back full force. It comes and goes, and with it, comes ADD. Jason loves when Insomniac Jack is in town. She is full of spontaneity, new ideas and analysis paralysis. What I mean by that is beginning to analyze something and mid-thought, having nothing else to think about the subject. My brain literally stops. Deer in headlights, I'm almost sure to do it in public and draw all attention where I love it to be, on me (insert high pitched laughter as I slowly back away and run). Soon after comes the nervous laughter as I realize someone is staring at me, so I pull out a cell phone and pretend the phone is ringing, only to have it ring for real during a fake conversation. It's like walking one direction and needing to turn around mid-pace, hoping to God no one is looking so you can gracefully about face without looking like a complete tool.

I did that once. In the mall last year. I was trying to find my friend who was meeting me near the movies, only instead of calling or texting her, I decided to turn around and check to see if she was by the main entrance. As I'm turning around, I see out of the corner of my eye teenages (are they allowed out that late? Wait, it's only 7pm) and I almost trample them as I gracefully change course. I then do what I can only think to do which is fake wave. That's right, I fake waved to a fake friend. So I wouldn't be that person that someone was people watching and just randomly changed direction. I had to create public purpose. As I'm waving to my fake friend, someone actually waves at me and I have to pretend I'm waving past them, you know, to make them feel awkward. We've all been there. Are they waving at me? Should I be the rude one and pretend I don't know them? Yes, clearly the best option is to keep walking.

Like when someone is talking on their bluetooth, only you don't know they are. You're walking face to face in a hallway and all of a sudden you hear the hey how are ya. Heart stops, do I know this person? Keep walking, reply, keep walking, reply....oooh oooh I know this one. Reply. Ehhhh wrong answer. Dirty looks thrown your way. How dare I butt in on their conversation.

America is so rude and condescending.

Apology schmapology

It's been a while since I last shared my brain with cyberland and while I'm trying to make a valiant effort, it's been extremely difficult. Mostly because my laziness kicks in and also partly because HELLO I have a toddler. It is my goal to get back to creative writing and while clearing the cobwebs, I'm trying to piece together valid pieces of thought. While trying to find that validity, I became sidetracked by things in life I was sorry and not sorry for.

THINGS I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE FOR:

1. Pulling in the garage past Jason's comfort level. I can still get out. I can still get Marley out. The world is a happy place. For the last time, I don't need a hanging tennis ball, so suck it, Jason.
2. Eating pickles for breakfast. I like them anytime, day or night. And I refuse to acknowledge the stench of my breath after I'm done.
3. Take too many pictures. There's no such thing. There's no such thing. There's no such thing.
4. Always having a full schedule. There's so much to discover and do! The world is my oyst...hello? Yes, this is she. I missed her doctor's appointment again? Shit.
5. Retreating to my bedroom and wanting to be alone. Did you hear that? A-LONE. So what if I shut the curtains, turn the lights off and pretend I have no husband or child. That's just a little something I like to call imagination, folks. Pretendland.
6. My lead foot. I married a cop for a reason. Oh, what's that, true love? Oh yes, that, uh, that too.
7. Laughing when Marley threw water right in my face during her bath. She was all I want to keep playing and I was all no, seriously time's up kid. Because what else can you seriously do other than laugh?
8. Refusing to walk the dog. She walks in a zig zag people. And all the other dogs make fun of her when we pass them on the sidewalk and she zig zags home, tail between her legs weeping.
9. Still really loving to swim. I'm a sight for sore eyes in my matronly bathing suit. If you can even call it that. A heavenly tank looking top paired with men's board shorts. The kids are so jealous they exit the pool immediately.
10. Coining the phrase it is what it is and loosely using it for every response. Dinner sucked. It is what it is. Can you help me with this? It is what it is. Mandy, that doesn't even make...it is what it is. See? Totally fitting.
11. Swearing like a sailor. In the absence of children, of course. What kind of monster do you think I am?

THINGS I SHOULD SACK UP AND APOLOGIZE FOR:
1. Thinking fart topics are appropriate in every and any social setting.
2. Trusting Marley enough to let her sleep in her diaper that one time during her nap. Then walking into a room full of shit. We're talking ears, face, walls, everywhere. Wait, doesn't she owe ME an apology?
3. The spare bedroom paint color. When I placed my hand on Jason's during the first coat and told him to calm down, it would look different the second coat, I should have just apologized right then and there. I'm sorry it turned out so beautifully disgusting.
4. My batwings hitting you in the face. I was just trying to point out the deer and WHAM you get smacked in the face with my flapping underarm skin. I just can't help what my body does post-baby. It is what it is. HA, I win.
5. Thinking there really are some ugly babies/kids out there. Am I really wrong though?
6. Peeing my pants. And then throwing water on myself to pretend I missed my mouth.
7. Watching trashy tv. The housewives bring so much drama it makes Lindsay Lohan look like a saint. Speaking of Lindsay, did you hear she can't even have her hair extensions in jail? So unfair.
8. My beautiful singing voice. Listen, it even makes me cringe and I use it to annoy you. So there.
9. Downloading music illegally in college. At one point I was like arrest me. Come get me. I'm just a poor college student who can't afford good music. Isn't THAT the real crime here anyways? Not having good music to listen to?
10. Sleeping with 2 fans. I know, electricity, I'm wasting you. But you feel so good.

Life...quit passing me by

It's come to my attention that the month is June. June? It's June, yes, really, June.

It feels like every weekend I have something to do and whether it's me doing the scheduling, I'm feeling really overwhelmed with life. So many friends and family ask to meet up, get the kids together, see a movie or just hang out. Not that I'm bragging, I feel really grateful to have such people in my life, but it's too much sometimes. My brain is on overload where do I need to be this weekend? Who wants to see Marley? Do I need to do laundry? Is my homework done?

It's hard to formulate a thought during the day, let alone by the end of the weekend. I'm screaming inside how I never have time with Marley, working full time and going to school leaves me feel guilty ALL THE TIME. But, I have to keep reminding myself that I'm going back to school so that I can have MORE time with her. All school breaks, snow days, vacations, summers, I'll be home. It's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it. Is it? Am I missing out on too much? I have no choice, I have to work, but I am constantly wondering when I'm not with her, what am I missing?

Is she learning a new dance move? Is something new making her laugh? Her laugh, God her laugh gets me through the day sometimes, is she having a good day and laughing hard? How is potty training going? Does she miss me like I miss her?

I know she's ok, I know how much she adores Jessie and Jessie her. We're lucky to have a babysitter that cares about her and treats her so good. Her kids love her, too. Marley wakes up and immediately goes through their entire family: "Jessie? Emma? Noah? Daisy? Fufu?" I reassure her, yes, we're going to see Jessie and she screams with delight. Like literally screams that little kid scream, that ear piercing scream. And then nods in complete approval - a violent, eyes-wide-open nod. As a parent, knowing how excited she gets when she realizes she's going to be away from me, really does make me happy.

She's growing up so fast and she's needing me less and less it seems. Marley is literally becoming a little girl before my eyes. Where did my baby go? Although everyone reassures me that you can physically love another child, I'm not convinced. I have so much love for this child it scares me to think about it. It's doubtful she'd feel any less loved, jealous maybe, but not unloved. We want another child, maybe even another after that, but am I ready?

Are you ever ready? I don't think you really are. For anything in life. Sometimes you just have to run and take that leap - pray to GOD you made the right decision and ask for strength if you fall on your face. I'm a firm believer that you only get as much as you can handle. God must have some serious confidence in my abilities because my breaking point seems to constantly be dangling in front of me. I know in a few years things will get easier, life might be more manageable once I'm in a "career" and not working towards something that seems so close, yet so very far away.

I just hope when I'm at that point, I always take the time to shut life off and focus on the things that really matter - the things that I will forever have ingrained in my brain. Marley's seriously angelic face when I put her to bed and she grabs both of my hands, places them on her cheeks and just stares back at me, "mommy wuv" - it's enough to buckle my knees and give her whatever she wants. Or when I see Jason dancing with her or singing her a song or just being a good father. Our date nights (or lack thereof lately) when I can actually feel his appreciation for me as a friend and a wife - and all the times when I sacrificed my life to revolve around his schedule suddenly become unimportant. Because those are the things that matter in life. And those are the things I refuse to let pass me by.

Booooring

Well, it's been a long time since I've written on here - sometimes I have a hard time doing it, since everyone knows everything from my FB, but whatever. Things have been insanely crazy the last few months. It seems like we have something to do every weekend. I'm hoping this weekend I can just relax and enjoy my time with Marls.

Speaking of, she's talking now, which is fun and exciting. Her little voice I've been waiting forever to hear is hilarious. The things she tries so hard to say and what actually comes out are two different things. She gets this puzzled look on her face and waits for me to tell her "good girl" or we try to say it again a little more clearer.

Today, Jason had a fruit snack in his pocket for later - Marley remembered he put it there and 2 hours later ran up to him saying, "pock! pock!" He couldn't believe she remembered it was there and that she knew it was called a pocket. It's simple amazing to me how much she's learning and literally overnight. Everyone told me it'd happen that quick, but man, that's nuts.

Anywho, not much happening over here, same old same old.

Passing the torch

When we went to the hospital to say our goodbyes to Jason's grandpa, there was a mini update in a pamphlet of what had changed over the past 50 or so years. It was amazing to read and learn just how much Grandpa Glover has lived to see. He talked to us a bit about his life and what he had accomplished, what he was most proud of. He loved his family and loved knowing there would be people who would carry his name throughout life. The pressure's on for us, Jason is 1 of 2 grandboys to produce boys! Not so fast, Jason....not quite ready for another yet.

It was sad to sad goodbye but the funeral was very nice. I don't think there was a dry eye when we saw the military salute. When one of the naval officers gave his uncle the flag, his words were powerful when he spoke on behalf of the president, who thanked him for his years of service. Ok, so we might not all agree with the elected president and knowing they say that at most every vet's funeral was not relevant, but it was still powerful to hear.

I'm glad I have a few pictures of Grandpa with Marley, even though he didn't like to hold little, little babies. We kind of threw her in his lap a few times and quickly snapped a picture...I'm glad I forced that on him! It's nice to look back and know he lived a hell of a life - and that he's finally reunited with his wife, whom he has missed dearly since she passed.

Sidenote - we have a ton of pictures throughout the house, 2 of which are on the entertainmetn center in Marley's playroom - one of my dad and another of all Jason's grandparent's. After Grandpa Glover died (I dont' know if it was that day or the day after), Marley was watching cartoons and suddenly looked way up on the entertainment center and waved to those 2 pictures (they are side by side) and went back to watching cartoons. Jason said it was eery, but I think it's nice that she maybe knows there are people who love her, even though they might not be on earth to tell her....

Life.

Things have been a bit hectic lately. Jason's grandpa is out of the hospital and resting at home. They decided to call hospice so at least he could be comfortable during his last days. He is sick, but not with cancer. Essentially enduring sacs all over his lungs, Grandpa has chosen to stop medical treatment, which will eventually grow and cause forced breathing. He isn't eating, just sleeping.

This all too familiar terrain reminds me terribly of my dad and brings back memories of when I learned to hate cancer, some of which I have never spoken of. Not even to my own husband. His anniversary is coming up, at the end of February. His death has left a hole in my heart - not a day has gone by in 5 years that I haven't thought of him. I am reminded of him everywhere I go. Marley points to his picture every time she comes in the living room. They have never met, snuggled, played, kissed, or known what life is like with the other present. I often find myself feeling his presence and wondering if she does too. Sometimes she smiles over my shoulder when I feel him near. It's oddly comforting.

Grandpa Glover is my grandpa through marriage. He has never forgotten my birthday and I haev always received a Christmas gift from him. I have never expected these things - I even cried when he sent a card a few days after my birthday and called me all frazzled to make sure I got it. It's the simple things in life that really matter to this family. It took me a while to realize that - each time I brought cookies or muffins or sent a card - I never fully understood how it impacted them. I thought I was just being nice, just trying to make someone's day. And it did just that...

Watching Jason and his family say their goodbye's while Grandpa was lucid was hard. My chest felt tight and I choked back tears, trying to be a pillar of strength. I was insanely proud of my husband, who whispered words of love into his ear - words that I feel are sacred to their relationship. When it was my turn, I told Grandpa I loved him and to say hi to my dad for me. I never got the chance to say goodbye to my father and I am glad Jason doesn't have to look back and feel something was left unsaid.

When Grandpa passes, I know the impact his loss will have on us all. I also know the impact it will have on Grandpa. He will finally be reunited with his wife, who passed a few years ago, and what a reunion it will be. I can only imagine. Until then, we are keeping him in our thoughts and prayers - and trying to respect his wishes, for as my father told me, "I have lived my life, seen my kids grow, traveled the world. I've lived a good life."

Did someone switch the date?

Christmas comes one time a year, the same day, every single year. It's constant, it's consistent, it's Christmas. Millions of people have come to terms with this and many even prepare by shopping months in advance. Although Jason and I decided to not exchange gifts with each other this year, we agreed to just do small gifts for our stockings. Afterall, this year and the following years are reserved for Marley and her possible future sibling(s). At this point in my life, there's not much I "need" let alone "want".

Which brings me to my next point....Jason has known about Christmas day for months, years, his entire life. My mom was kind enough to watch Marley Monday while he did some last minute shopping. And by last minute, I mean he started. I get a phone call, hearing his extremely annoyed and aggrevated voice, and I immediately want to laugh. I can hear Christmas music in the distant background with angry people in the near background.

"They dont' have any of the movies you asked for!!" he screams panicked.
"So don't get any..." it's simple, right? They're out of something, so don't get it? I thought so, too.
"What am I supposed to get you!?" more panicking.
"I don't know, a gift card?"
"I can't just get you ONE thing for your stocking! What else can I get you??" huffing....
"Jason, you're asking me 4 days before Christmas what I want and you're getting mad because the store is out of things?"
"I'm going to hang up before I say anything else"...ah, you are wise Sensei.

At least last minute shopping year after year has finally taught him one thing....to insert foot in mouth when appropriate.

Not so haute...

Dear Scale,

I'm not quite where we initially went wrong, but I'd like to get on your good side again. I tend to think it all began after college when I started dating Jason. I quickly latched on to his ability to eat absolute crap and not gain an ounce thinking it could do the same for me. Oh contrare m'frare - not only do I have THE worst metabolism, but the most canny ability to "go with the flow". My diluted way of rationalizing has gotten out of hand. Where toned muscle used to be, odd shaped lumps and bumps have taken over shouting, "firm me, FIRM ME!". I shake my head in disgust as I run past the mirror as fast I can as body parts once deemed "unjiggleable" now flap in the wind.

I know what you're thinking and no, I'm not ready to throw you out the window. I am willing to cooperate with you, a mutual partnership, if you can please learn to readjust yourself. I think you do it purpose. Although I only gained 20 pounds during pregnancy, I was willing to let it slide when you continually jumped each week chalking it up to baby weight. I even loved you after the baby, when you went down and down and down. And then it happened. My appetite came back....

I just hope we can learn to be friends. I joined a new gym and I think you'll be pleased with the results once I start going. I am thrilled to jump back on the wagon - I hope you'll join me. We'll deal with our "man in the mirror" issues later, but first, let me welcome you back to my life.

Sincerely yours,
Lard Ass

Hello world

Well considering no one even reads this blog, I'm not in a major rush to update, hence why it's been several months. We're gearing up for the first Christmas at the house - it feels nice to have a proper tree up again. Last year, we were in the apartment squished between baby toys and a mini tree. WE had all of our Christmas stuff in storage so it was nice to put it all out. I was extremely excited to get mantle stocking holders since we have a real wood burning fireplace. I love it. Work is wrapping up and slowing down - looking forward to a quiet winter.
Just some random pictures from over the past few months....

Let the babies dance...

Amy-the-great-and-powerful-tutu-maker is offering a discount on her traditional and ballerina chicy styled tutu's if you're interested in donating a Tutu for Tuesday. You can have the tutu shipped to you, if you'd like to include a note or something and forward it on yourself to the organization. Or, I'm sure Amy will fabulously make this tutu and send straight on for you.

Here is the address for sending the Tutu's:

Tuesday's Tutu's
P.O. Box 518
Watkins, CO 80134

Check out the link for Amy's site with more information on how to get a fabulous tutu made in Tuesday's honor! Chicy Creations: Tutus for Tuesday

Fun fall thursday

It was unseasonable warm today - I was itching to get out of work so I could come home and play outside in all the leaves, er I mean, lack thereof. Hopefully this year, we can work on ripping a few trees out, as 2 of them are dead and the other is knocking on heaven's door. Our very overgrown front yard is going to have to wait until next year mostly due to the fact that we can't replant anything until next year and because we don't have a lot of time. I guess we would force ourselves to do it, but winter is coming, so we'll just wait until spring. It's a hot mess, though. .

So we finally decided to put up some outside Halloween decorations. In fact, it was actually Jason's idea. What? It's only a week before Halloween you say? Hmm. Ok yes, we've procrastinated and yes, the decorations have been sitting in our hallway collecting dust and making my type A go insane. That is neither here nor there. No, it IS here and there because it's been on our minds, doesn't that count for something? We've been meaning to get to it, but just been really really busy. Ok, no more excuses, point is we finally got it up. And the best part about it was we didn't have enough outdoor extension cords so we couldn't even light it all up. Wait, I take that back, the best part was being outside! We've been couped up for a while and Marley has been sick off and on, so we were trying not to take her out if we didn't have to, especially since the whole dang world seems to have the swine. She loves it. I love watching her look at everything with the most concentrated look and sometimes I forget she is seeing things for the very first time. Sure, she's felt the wind before, but she opens her mouth and giggles. I can only imagine it tickles and it makes her laugh, and I love every minute. I wish I could freeze this age - so full of wonder....

We came outside and to our surprise had a street, a parking garage, a boat dock and stop signs all over our sidewalks and driveway. I even stood in the lake and according to Justin, drowned in minutes.

Watching the neighbors ride their bikes. They yelled "Marrrrley" as they scooted past

There are so many decisions in life...which way to go?

In the end, we choose the path less traveled (thanks to the neighbor kids for helping lead the way and chalking it out for us)

Tutu's for Tuesday

So I've been reading this blog and haven't been able to get this family off my mind. Most everyone knows of the tutu photoshoot Marley had with her friends Fiona and Gabriella. They had so much fun together. Ok who am I kidding, they cried the entire time. They hated it. But, we did get some cute pictures out of it. Anyways, I found on Jessica's blog about Tutu's for Tuesday. I got in touch with the woman who did the girls' tutu's and she agreed to make some for this great cause. I purchased 5, along with 5 beanie caps to keep those cute little bald heads warm. Amy, the fab tutu maker, is even donating a few herself. It feels so amazing to be helping those kids out, in any way possible. I can't even imagine those babies dancing and twirling to their heart's content. I only hope it brings them joy and peace, and maybe even a memory to last a lifetime for their families.

If you are interested in donating a tutu, please let me know, as I'll be sending them when they are ready. You can contact Amy, the fab tutu maker, as well at her website. She is so generous to do this, so again, if you're interested, send her a message or let me know!

Roller coaster

Yesterday was an odd day for me. I was happy in the morning, sad in the afternoon, and extremely grateful by the end of the evening. It's all thanks to Tuesday. I came across her family's blog and it instantly sucked me in. You see, Tuesday just recently lost her fight with cancer earlier this year. She was a 2 year old child with a twin sister and 2 other siblings. I'm all too familiar with the cancer world, but not pediatric cancer. It's unfair her family is panged with this and left to pick up the pieces of losing a child. Their pain belongs to them, only them. There's are no words to offer, just good thoughts and prayers to send. My heart hurts for them....

I hate that their horrible story made me so grateful for my living, healthy child. I hate that it made my time feel more precious and how many extra kisses I gave. I hate that pediactric cancer takes thousands of lives and leaves gaping holes in the hearts that may never ever feel whole again. I hate that I feel helpless, I hate that my tiny contributions aren't enough, I hate cancer....

Despite the emotional day, I felt compelled to take advantage of the warm weather and go for a walk with my family. I love that word. I love my family. I love my life. I am grateful, especially for my living, healthy child. Sweet Tuesday, I am grateful for you.

Where has the time gone?

I'm sitting here at work, wondering how it's possible that my baby is turning 1? It seems like yesterday we found out I was pregnant, cried tears of absolute fear, and eventually the fear turned into complete happiness. It's not a secret that Marley wasn't planned, but she ended up being the best thing to happen to Jason and I. There's no doubt that she would have come along further down the road, but I guess someone had other plans for us. February was a very busy month for us - bachelorette parties, weddings, birthdays - we were out a lot. When my making my appointment with the doctor to confirm the pregnancy, the nurse on the phone asked if I knew the "special day". She laughed when I told her we had a lot of special days in February and couldn't pinpoint the exact day. It wasn't until later that I figured out Marley was conceived around the time of my dad's anniversary of his death. They always say with death, there is usually a life. With my grandpa, it was my aunt who found out she was expecting. But with my dad, nothing happened immediately so I chalked that whole theory up to a myth. Five years later, I guess death was accompanied by life, even if it was years later. Even more, I never thought anything of Marley being born on a 13th. It never occurred to me that that was a special number to my dad, his number. Everyone in the hospital was extremely superstitious and said we needed to be careful, but we just shook it off, knowing the 13th would always be special and sacred, for it was always going to be our baby girl's birthday. I digress, but the point of my rant is I can't believe a year has almost passed. Marley was not an easy baby - she was colicky, a horrible sleeper, and incredibly sensitive to most formulas. Now, however, she is silly, loving, funny, and wonderful. We have our moments, her and I, but it's in those moments I see her personality coming out and realize how much alike we are. It saddens me to see her growing up and so quickly - she still depends on us so much, but more and more, I see her branching out on her own, exploring the world. I constantly wonder if we're doing a good job and hoping she turns out to be respectful and the kind of kid that people talk about when she's not around. I hope she has a crazy imagination and never stops wondering. I hope she plays nice and shares and isn't the brat you silently say to yourself "I wish someone would shut that kid up". I hope she has my random sense of humor and my ability to laugh at myself, but has Jason's practicality and ability to focus. I have so many hope and dreams for her and when it comes down to it, I hope she just has the confidence to be herself.

Sticky fingers

For the past several days, when we get Marley from her crib after her naps, we find her crib covered in books. We had no idea how all these books were getting in there. I immediately come to the conclusion she now knows how to scale her crib and hop out to get stuff, walks down stairs and gets them from her playroom. This is a completely insane hypothetical. She has a stack of books on a little table next to her crib. We didn't know if she was reaching over her crib (it's on the lowest setting so that made me even more nervous - she's a dare devil and I can just imagine her falling on the floor) or how she was getting them in. I walked in her room yesterday and to my surprise, she did not hear me coming in like she normally does. So I stay really quiet and let her go about her business of snatching the books. That sneaky little baby reaches her hands through the slots on the side of her crib, and feeds the book up, switching hands as the book nears the top of the crib (think itsy bitsy spider hand motions)!! She giggles, puts the book down, and goes for the next one. She rarely cries in her crib anymore because she sits and reads books. I cannot believe how smart she is - it makes me a little scared of how adventurous she will be later in life. I don't know WHO she takes after....

I'm going to catch her doing it one day and I'll post a video/picture on here, but we're waiting for Geek Squad to fix it right now....

Babysitters for hire

We have the cutest neighbors ever. When they get off the bus, Marley runs to the window and they yell to her, "Hi Marley!" and she responds by banging her hands on the screen like a monkey. They are privilged children, in that they have social freedom. They are not tied to a kitchen table and made to complete homework before playing outside. The kids are constantly outside, playing in the yard and yelling through the window for Marley. We take her for walks outside, but its' hard at this age to let her play because she just eats the grass. So we have been sticking to indoor activities and caging her inside her stroller.

I usually take Marley to the mailbox with me so the kids can talk to her. Yesterday, I barely got as much as a hi when I walked out the front door.

"Marley! Marley! Look it's Marley!" clearly I am showcasing a rare, exotic animal. Immediately I am bombarded by the most astounding question ever.

"When can I babysit??" I ponder this question to myself, wondering how old I was when I started babysitting. I am pretty sure it was around the oldest girl's age, 7th grade. However, I did not start with little babies, I started with the spawns of satan, who were at least 3 years old. My mind is racing with questions of child labor laws and an acceptable form of payment.

"How much do you charge?" I asked the oldest.

"$5" she says.

"Per hour??" I have no idea what the going rate is.

"No, for the whole time," I try not to let my excitement out, but can't help wonder if I'd be taking advantage of her offer. I tell her we'll have a meeting with her union rep after she completes her babysitting course.

The conversation ends when the younger girls fight over who gets to help and finally, who gets to watch the cat. We couldn't have picked a better neighborhood.

I'm a liar

One of the new perks of living in a young neighborhood is having so many kids around. Our neighbor to the left has 4, the neighbor to the right has 3. You can continue the math down the road - the point is, there are tons of kids. And with all these kids, comes school fundraisers. This is something I failed to think about as the start of school approached.

Last night, while making dinner, the doorbell rang. I thought it was one of our friend's kids, but it was an unknown. Immediately my head is swirling with profain word I'd like to spew, but decide not to scare her away. What are they selling now.

"Hi there, how are you?" I ask, like I'm the one selling something.

"Good" says the 9 year old. That's your strategy? Make me do the work?

"Are you selling something?" I'm literally talking to a wall here.

"I'm selling magazine subscriptions and renewals"

"You know what? A little boy beat you to the punch - I bought some from him yesterday, sorry"

I felt awful saying no to her because I know how hard it was when my mom made me go door to door doing that crap. However, she dressed me 4 years younger than my age and we always found pig tails added to the cuteness, especially since I was so short growing up. We made a conscious effort to create key marketing techniques. I knew which houses contained the old people (from either no candy handouts during trick-or-treat or getting yelled at to not trample on their lawn) so we stayed away. We even went as far as developing catch phrases depending on the age of the homeowner.

"Hi there, we're selling delicious fat free candy bars, would you like to help our school raise money for a new playground by buying one?"

"My name is Mandy and I'm selling wrapping paper for new computers at school. Will you help our literacy movement?"
"Go tell your mom you need a dollar for yummy suckers!"

Some people even gave us money without even taking anything in return. It was genius. Never did we go soliciting without a game plan. This girl desperately needed our help, but I did not overstep like a crazy stage mom. I could see her mom standing on the sidewalk, giving me a dirty look ("buy my daughter's magazines NOW"). Although she was cute, her shyness and non agressive selling nature would by far earn her a "you're fired" from Donald. Since I couldn't outright tell her no, I did what any mature adult would do. I lied straight faced to a 9 year old girl. Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night?

Hello Life

Well I just noticed I haven't updated in a few months and that is mostly because of the wedding, buying a house and packing the apartment. It's been an insane past couple of weeks. We finally closed on the house and got our keys this past weekend. We've already begun painting (let me tell you I will NEVER paint myself again, I HATE it with a passion) and doing some random work before we move this Saturday. Here's some updates ("perks of being a mom"):

I took Marley to see her new house while Jason was fixing some stuff with his two friends. We were walking outside (Marley and I) and all of a sudden , she got very quiet. I looked down and she was kicking her legs and violently reaching for me. She had tears in her eyes and couldn't breathe, was turning blue. I smacked her on the back a few times and she started vomitting (all over my shirt, it was awesome). I ran to our house with her as she was finally breathing, but screaming hysterically. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know what. She started getting blotchy and had little raised bumps, like hives all over her face, head and neck. We jumped in the car to take her to the emergency room (totally not thinking) but we got pulled over (going 85 in a 25) - Jason stuck his badge out the window and the officer immediately ran up, as he could tell something was wrong. They called a squad and I got to ride in the ambulance with her. They wouldn't let me hold her, which KILLED me looking at her screaming and crying. She was breathing ok, her airways were open and clear. By the time we got to the hospital (yes, Jason beat us there), most of the redness had gone down considerably and she was calmed by a realistic green unicorn stuffed animal. The doctor/nurse thought she swalled something or it got in her mouth, but they don't know what. We have her 9 month check up on Monday so her doctor said it was ok to wait until then to discuss further. I'm hoping we can get an allergy test because I don't even want to mess around with any kind of insect allergy. We are insanely grateful that she is ok and doing just fine, not listening and being a little flower child.

This scarring life event was followed the next day by this delightful story, which also made me cry upon realizing what had just occured. I had off yesterday and had intended to spend the day painting and cleaning the new house. I decided it'd be best not to interupt her schedule and go over to the house after her morning nap. Jason headed over early because someone had to be there when the appliances were being delivered. So, an hour or so goes by, I hear giggles throughout the "nap" and finally decide to just change her and be on our merry little way. When I turned the light on, what I was greeted with will forever be imprinted in my mind. I see a smiling face, COVERED in POOP. Hands, ears, face, MOUTH. DISGUSTING. It was everywhere, her crib, her bedding, the wall, the floor....this child straight out when monkey on our a**es!! I called Jason crying and he tried his best not to laugh (which I instantly knew I'd be saving something for HIM to clean up). I grabbed her and threw her in the tub, at a foot's reach, I was doing my best not to get close. Her room seriously needed a hazardous waste crew to clean up! After her bath (which was VERY quick since the water got dirty pretty fast, and could also be classified as shower since the water never stopped running and the tub never filled), I got her dressed and put her in the playroom, which is roped off and baby proofed. I cleaned her room, threw it all in the wash, and left the tub for Jason to clean. Laugh at me, will you!!??

So my last month/week/days have been very adventure filled. I'm so ready to be in this new house!!

Driving Education

Hello fellow drivers. I thought I should take the time to initiate some rules which I thought most people knew, but am realizing they don't. I know some of these might come as a huge shock to you, but bare with me, you need to know and live these rules.

1. When driving in the high speed lane, you know the far left lane, please make sure you drive faster than 55 mph. You are seriously going to cause an accident driving below the speed limit. This lane is designated for people who do not fear the law and want to drive reckless. Move aside, please.

2. I am more than willing to let you over, should you happen to use that little stick on the side of your wheel called a turn signal. That fact that you narrowly miss my bumper and then think it's appropriate to flip ME off is absurd. Take a breather and then if after 5 minutes, decide if you're still ready to cut me off. Patience is a virtue, my friend.

3. Driving in the rain does not mean you need to hide under bridges with your hazards on. This only works if you're on a motorcycle. It's completely understandable if want to drive cautiously, have children in the vehicle, or just plain scared of crashing. Let's start with turning your lights on, a common mistake many drivers make. Not only did you sneak up on me driving insanely fast for the weather conditions, but you failed to turn your lights on and I did not have ample time to move aside (see #1). Or, you have not taken two seconds to turn your lights on and I near your rear end because I do not see you. Driving in the rain is not a Bob Marley song ("Turn Your Lights Down Low"). So please, turn your lights on.

4. Lane closed, merge. This seems like a simple concept, however, the fact that most people will not let others merge or drive in the pending closed lane until the very last minute are what causes traffic jams. If you are like me, you will force your Honda Civic in both lanes, blocking the people who try to cut everyone off at the last minute. Silently, all will cheer for the one car that descended from heaven to anger the one impatient driver, who most likely is driving a luxury vehicle and who you are secretly wishing is just leasing and cannot afford to actually outright buy.

5. Weaving in and out of traffic. Are you really in that big of a hurry? As Carrie Bradshaw says, "oh you're so busy, you're SOO busy??". Can you really not stand to wait 4 seconds until you can clearly pass another car? Do you really want to risk a major accident all because you need to get to Starbucks 2 cars ahead of me? Really? I hope your hot coffee spills on you.